In the End, it All Stays the Same

I realized the other day as I was in a state. in a state of what you may ask and I wish I could tell you but I don't know what the state is. maybe it's sleepiness and subconscious fears or maybe it was just me zoning out, at any rate it's the same state I'm in now. one in which the screen is blurring as I type and my mind is numb. none of this is the point. the point is that I realized people can claim not to be superficial all the want but in the end they are. I realize how hard it will be for me with all my flaws and what not to ever get someone to look at me past friendship. people love the "normal" views on beauty with the size 0 waistline, model walk and conformative attitude. it works for most no matter how "different" they claim they are. day in and day out I meet new people and all of the virtually that same in that attitude. it's actually quite ashame and it makes me sad but some of the burden is my own to bear. with my negative views on myself and rude mannerisms to cover up said negative views. I look around and then I look at myself realizing that I'm in a harsh cycle in which I'm constantly valued lower in society than the average person. it worries me. it makes me wonder, will all our work and our pushes toward equality ever be worth it? will it ever come to fruition? I doubt so people like me will continue to suffer while the beautiful people with terrible personalities continue to win. =\

-- Lexy

did she swoon me?

pretty much.

that was the best night I've had with a singular individual for such a long time.

I felt a connection.

I just hope I'm not mistaking her friendliness for something else. 

wish me luck as I start an entirely new journey.

&& I'm out.
-- lexy.

loving annabelle

what an awesome movie.
yet another reason to love instantly streaming on netflix.
they have some great finds.
this moving is so touchy with an unexpected ending.
just when I thought I knew.
I loved it.
as sad as the movie is.
and it also reintroduced me to sara bareilles' "gravity", an absolutely amazing song.
gosh. <3
anyways, watch it. I love it.
ames (my good friend) loves it.
and I'm sure you'll love it.

&& I'm out.
-- lexy.