long time no see

it's been a long ass time since I've written a blog; I think about doing it often but then I succumb to laziness. right now I'm coming here to write out of sheer desperation. there is no one awake in this room. they sleep all day everyday. and I'm so very lonely and sad. everything is looking dismal right now and I don't even know why. I'm on the verge of tears. I'm so dissatisfied with my life that it's not even funny anymore. so much so that I just want it to be over. is that a ridiculous thing to say? I mean I just feel like dropping dead would have to be better than the amount of boredom, frustration and dissatisfaction I'm feeling right now. it's driving me insane. sometimes I think I am mentally insane. I don't know what decisiveness feels like, I can't seem to escape depression no matter how hard I try and things just keep getting worse and worse. I should be studying for a midterm right now but honestly I just don't care. . .