if the blog didn't keep track of the posting dates

then I wouldn't be able to tell you the last time I've logged in to my blog. I've pretty much abandoned it and I should be ashamed but then I've abandoned pretty much all forms of keeping in touch with people and I really don't know or understand why because it's not like I'm exceptionally busy or something. anyways me keeping a consistent blog is nearly impossible but I'm really gonna try. part of it is 'cause I feel like I'm running out of shit to say.

long time no see

it's been a long ass time since I've written a blog; I think about doing it often but then I succumb to laziness. right now I'm coming here to write out of sheer desperation. there is no one awake in this room. they sleep all day everyday. and I'm so very lonely and sad. everything is looking dismal right now and I don't even know why. I'm on the verge of tears. I'm so dissatisfied with my life that it's not even funny anymore. so much so that I just want it to be over. is that a ridiculous thing to say? I mean I just feel like dropping dead would have to be better than the amount of boredom, frustration and dissatisfaction I'm feeling right now. it's driving me insane. sometimes I think I am mentally insane. I don't know what decisiveness feels like, I can't seem to escape depression no matter how hard I try and things just keep getting worse and worse. I should be studying for a midterm right now but honestly I just don't care. . .