People From the Past Usually Mean the Most

so as we all know my current girlfriend is my previous one (and in fact my only one) and before it was just so hard being in a relationship with her. we were both immature and we both had many psychological issues (depression, etc) and these days I can't even fathom how we made it and I can't fathom how the damaging things we said to one another has affected our relationship today.

what I do know is that tonight as I kissed her goodbye after seeing the movie "knight and day" (which was decent, very cute) I know that I love her. and it may seem fast 'cause it'll only be a month as of this saturday but I have a history with this girl and even before when I broke up with her I still loved her. I mean I told her I was over her and that I no longer loved her but that was always a lie. I always had lingering feelings and always loved her, I just didn't realize what an amazing individual I had. I was out to prove to myself that someone else could do it better when clearly she was the one then (and now). I've come to believe that some of us are lucky enough to get it right on the first try. =]

this is not to say that I don't constantly worry about whether we'll make it, especially when I go back to unc but I feel like we can do it. it'll be hard but we can. so I may not be able to predict the future but I can work hard now to ensure the things and people I want in my future are there.

&& I'm out
-- Lexy

With Sins So Numerous No One Can Judge Me

in conjunction with my last post I'd thought I'd make a post on where I'm currently at religiously. I mean my beliefs change quite frequently and mostly 'cause of my laziness. I mean I've been meaning to try buddhism and honestly I believe that eventually when I settle on one it'll be on one of my own creation that combines the tenants and practices of many (or all) major religions in the world. 

at any rate I feel as though with all the things that happen in the world and with the unreliability of humans christianity is a religion based on some lies and fabrications and with all it's contradictions I just can't dig it. divine things can't really be explained or be logical but they shouldn't be downright confusing or contradictory either. anyways overall I do believe that there is a god and I believe it's a just a divine figure, a spirit, not of either gender. I believe that this god does not interfere with the orders of the universe. god doesn't have a plan for us, we make our own plans and this god loves us for how we are and for our intentions. if we do good and do not intend to harm people or hurt them then we receive good things in our life here on our earth (sounds a lot like karma) and I believe the ultimate goal is to reach an internal peace before we die so that our souls can rest easy. I do believe that the afterlife is a peaceful place where those same good intentioned people go to and the evil people are sentenced to having an uneasy soul. it's as simple as that. god does not request you worship it or treat it like it needs worldly things to be satisfied with you. it is satisfied simply to see people living and breathing. currently this is a very preliminary explanation of my beliefs. take it for what you will and call me blasphemous if you must but this seems a lot more plausible in my opinion.

&& I'm out.

-- Lexy